Leaning into Trust

So I have not been doing so well with my unschooling practice.  Sure, we’re on the beach now and I promised not to push schoolwork (Khan Academy and worksheet doing), but my need to control has been back for sure.

Expectedly because I am with an overbearing presence from my childhood. Strangely, or maybe I should have expected it, from reading a compendium of natural healing.

The good from my reading is an understanding of temper tantrums I’ve never had before. The concept is that we heal from the inside out. It helped me understand the eruption of pure, seemingly negative emotions that children have as a type of soul-cleansing experience.  Really helped me to accept and be at peace with it, feeling like it is not wrong.

Anyway,

Did some inner work last night and it helped me wake up with a new outlook. What kind of work, you ask? Well, for inspo I turned first to an understanding of my children and myself, I looked up traits for our sun signs and cusps and just soaked in our strengths, what I could work on personally (balance and social skills, it said.). Then, I was ready to hear some more from Sandra Dodd.

I have been controlling food pretty strong. Yesterday, I felt very righteous about limiting TV to one show a day. There may have been an improvement in their attitudes. I don’t know. I still think that there is wisdom in the premise that children will rebel if you don’t let them try things. Try to self-regulate under your watchful guidance.

Preparing the environment, giving advice, loving guidance. It’s the extent of my parental role. Giving unconditional love and acceptance. Being their person they can always turn to. I can’t skip past the painful experiences they may have to learn as much as I want to by dogged, severe teaching. If they don’t understand truly why to do this or that, it is empty. It isn’t learning, it is blind obedience which will end when my back is turned. I am coming to believe it is more loving to allow them to learn while I’m there .

Today so far:

We cooked fried bologna and made chocolate milk. Freddie then wrote down the recipe. (ELA, Science, Home Ec)

We have watched SpongeBob and Scooby Doo and Looney Toons.

He learned how to keep the handle turned away from anyone who should come to the stove, how to regulate heat so it doesn’t burn, how to turn food over to ensure even browning, how to mix substances to make a mixture (with milk and chocolate syrup). LIFE SKILLS.

A Lesson I am Learning

My second born is the most stubborn person I have ever met. Perhaps I should say strong-willed. It has been a challenge to me. It is still a challenge. It purifies me daily. He is teaching me to let go of my unnecessary stubbornness. It’s magical and miraculous.

Cooking. I love to cook. I love the experience, the art of it. I grew up in a very rural setting but spent every weekend in the urban sprawl with my father. We ate Indian food and went to international food festivals where I tried hummus and falafel and I’m sure all other sorts of ethnic foods. When I went to college, there was a Lebanese restaurant that was amazing and then a Russian restaurant where I fell in love with borscht. When I was a baby and was beginning to talk, I was asked what I wanted for my birthday meal. I famously responded, “Shimp or hog jog (hog jowl, which we would eat every New Year for good luck, thus my exposure.)”

Then I met my husband. He talked me into trying a bite of Dorito, a bite of Snickers, and a swig of Mountain Dew. That was his version of fine cuisine. He loved sloppy joes because his grandmother had made them for him. So I found a recipe from Rachel Ray and made gourmet sloppy joes. I probably spent over $50 just buying all the ingredients. I was so excited to show him my labor of love, and he was obviously confused and dismayed. This is not what he was thinking. (I later discovered the secret recipe to perfect-to-him sloppy joes: ground beef, ketchup, mustard, brown sugar, cheap buns-lol!)

The point. As a young woman, I envisioned my future as a domestic goddess, making scrumptious creations from foods in their more elemental states, but instead, I have learned to accept and understand other people. A much more important purpose, I believe. 🙂

I resisted very hotly my second son’s love for soda, Doritos, candy, etc. He had cavities that required surgery and I was absolutely paranoid of people slipping him candy or him sneaking it. He seemed to have an insatiable desire for sugar. I began to think of him in this way.

Unschooling proponents such as Sandra Dodd have helped me to overcome this. Also the idea that “Love is patient. Love is kind.” One thing I know for sure is I looooove my kids. And I want them to know that and feel that.

Simple Serenity: Don’t meal plan; buy what they ask for. Yesterday, my kids asked for apples, strawberries, popsicles and juice. So that is what I bought.