Leaning into Trust

So I have not been doing so well with my unschooling practice.  Sure, we’re on the beach now and I promised not to push schoolwork (Khan Academy and worksheet doing), but my need to control has been back for sure.

Expectedly because I am with an overbearing presence from my childhood. Strangely, or maybe I should have expected it, from reading a compendium of natural healing.

The good from my reading is an understanding of temper tantrums I’ve never had before. The concept is that we heal from the inside out. It helped me understand the eruption of pure, seemingly negative emotions that children have as a type of soul-cleansing experience.  Really helped me to accept and be at peace with it, feeling like it is not wrong.

Anyway,

Did some inner work last night and it helped me wake up with a new outlook. What kind of work, you ask? Well, for inspo I turned first to an understanding of my children and myself, I looked up traits for our sun signs and cusps and just soaked in our strengths, what I could work on personally (balance and social skills, it said.). Then, I was ready to hear some more from Sandra Dodd.

I have been controlling food pretty strong. Yesterday, I felt very righteous about limiting TV to one show a day. There may have been an improvement in their attitudes. I don’t know. I still think that there is wisdom in the premise that children will rebel if you don’t let them try things. Try to self-regulate under your watchful guidance.

Preparing the environment, giving advice, loving guidance. It’s the extent of my parental role. Giving unconditional love and acceptance. Being their person they can always turn to. I can’t skip past the painful experiences they may have to learn as much as I want to by dogged, severe teaching. If they don’t understand truly why to do this or that, it is empty. It isn’t learning, it is blind obedience which will end when my back is turned. I am coming to believe it is more loving to allow them to learn while I’m there .

Today so far:

We cooked fried bologna and made chocolate milk. Freddie then wrote down the recipe. (ELA, Science, Home Ec)

We have watched SpongeBob and Scooby Doo and Looney Toons.

He learned how to keep the handle turned away from anyone who should come to the stove, how to regulate heat so it doesn’t burn, how to turn food over to ensure even browning, how to mix substances to make a mixture (with milk and chocolate syrup). LIFE SKILLS.

Cabinet Shuffling

We and our cabinets are being shuffled currently. Us, to different abodes while work is done on our house. Our cabinets, to a new open space that will soon be our new kitchen! I now sit in the basement of my mother-in-law’s house to report our doings for posterity.

Fred has learned about Abraham Lincoln as he reads an American History book we found in the basement. He completed his Saxon math assignment (I have been having unschooling anxiety–not fun, not pretty) because I have been needing a sense of progress and work based on my deeply ingrained schoolish paradigm. Some days I am “freer” than others. Yesterday we did several pages in an educational workbook I picked up from Aldi’s. We also read Genesis account of Adam and Eve as I am trying to expose them to Ambleside Online’s list of books and assignments.  We have also gotten to Chapter 3 in A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh. His worksheets were about contractions, homophones, and word-problems with double digit subtraction. He has read the DK book, Battle, and Peanuts and Calvin and Hobbes comic strips.  He is learning to play the song, “Wonderful Words of Life,” on the piano.

The struggle against negativity and criticism has been real. I really derailed after I went into my husband’s room and saw a thank you note that Fred and I had written for a friend of my mom’s on top of a stack of papers. I had decorated it with whimsical drawings and had said, “We really love spending time with you.” At the time, I had not meant anything flirtatious, I had included the illustrations to make it more personal and it is not unusual for me to be effusive in my friendliness. But I feared he had been angered by it by it’s conspicuous placement and upon rereading I could denote a hint of flirtation. It wouldn’t be a huge deal if the intended recipient was not a young unattached male. So I thought and feared about it too much and it has ruined my week. It is very important to me to be a good and faithful wife and I have worked really hard to be such so it was a total downer to think I may have violated my husband’s trust. But I don’t know how to bring it up without making it weirder. So I have decided to just continue to love and hope that in time I will totally forget this.

Story Time

We went to story time at our library. It was a picture book about Mexico. We talked about fiestas, comida, Aztecs and Mayans, temples, ruins. Mariachi music played. We made sombreros and maracas and received wooden peg dolls painted like a Mexican girl.

We played Minecraft, navigated the computers and DVD players, checked out massive books on spy gear, Captain America, battle.

We played with the kids at BK, played more video games, watched The Secret Life of Pets, got bow and arrows at Dollar General, perused Goodwill, opened the door for a man in a wheelchair and helped some people pick up lots of pony beads when they were spilled.

We came home and ran a lot outside, took baths, dressed in our suits and went to the Mexican restaurant to have dinner with Uncle John. James went home to spend the night with Granny.

Freddie did math challenges on Khan Academy and wrote some passages from the book, Ultimate Spy.